But because I've been cursed with hair that is both fine and thick, hair that looks best in layers, hair that I let grow long, even though every magazine has urged me to cut it off, hair that refuses to do anything I ask it to do, well, every few months I have to get myself to someone who can wiggle the old Scissorhands over me.
I hate that.
First of all, I don't like the salon experience. It makes me feel like I'm desperately fiddling while Rome is burning. People are losing their jobs and the polar bears are eating each other, so the angle of a razor cut seems a little less earth-shaking. I mean, my hair isn't that interesting to me, so don't pretend like you're all up in my grill about it too. You know, this kind of thing:
What are we going to do with your hair today?
Well, I imagine you'll cut it. Right?
Have you thought about going any shorter?
I'm 5'3" - there really isn't that much shorter to go...oh my hair. Let's just say the last time someone whacked it to my neck, I cried for three days and considered joining the Peace Corps - Congo region.
A bob would really draw attention to your face.
I don't want to draw attention to my face! I want to hide my face!
Let's cut it to here and see what you think.
Please put down the scissors and back away from the hair. That's right....nice and slow. Put your hands where I can see them.
Here in Seattle, there are at least many many tattooed and pierced young men and women who cut and clip and trim. Every salon seems equally outfitted with blue-streaked cutters and small Asian girls who wash your hair so carefully, it seems to be happening strand by strand. You wait amidst all the overpriced shampoos for your turn in the Chair of Transformation. It is a long wait at times. I don't like this, because I also hate woman's magazines. I hate walking around with wet hair in a stupid looking plastic bib. These bibs are always eggplant-colored. I don't know why that is.
I hold out as long as I can, but then I fall to the seductive siren call of the Expensive Haircut. Here's how it ended up a couple of days ago, cut by Erika at Vain (I know, right?)
Fluffy: check.
Wavy: check.
No maintenance: check.
No blowdrying required: check.
Long suffering expression on my face: check.
Ungodly amount of money paid: check.
Here are some other things I hate about my super-pricey cut:
I hate spending so much money.
I hate going to a place called Vain.
I hate noting that I have the same haircut my sister had in 1978, for which she paid $12 at SuperCuts.
I hate the way the cashier at Vain, after giving him the equivalent of the down payment on my first car, asks me "how much I'd like to tip Erika today." At this rate, my house sale is going to go directly to my head.
Yes, I keep thinking I will not go back, I will find something less annoying and expensive, and then I remember how truly bad my hair is capable of looking, and I cave.
Hair junkies are sad people, dear readers. We need your compassion, not your judgment.
Speaking of dear readers - I'm sure you're wondering if I always take such terrible pictures. I'm sure you're thinking, "why was I so hard on her when the issue is not her relationship with God - it is clearly her inability to take a decent photo. I mean, she can't always look so...so...you know." But yes. Yes I do. The moment a camera hits me, I shut my eyes, squint, or start to look like someone with a cardboard sign by the end of freeway. Compare me, if you will, to my cluelessly handsome Hapa Boy (a man with no idea how good-looking he is, you understand), who sat in front of my Mac and took this on the first try - in an attempt to look like a mug shot. Are you getting this? Here he is trying to look as pathetic as I look without trying, at his worst:
I know. I know. You see the issue.
Clearly, we must never be photographed together.
Or I best give more thought to upkeep.
8 comments:
I am laughing. You know what's funny? I have been getting my hair done by the same lady since I was seven. You would think she must be really good, right? No, she's awful. Every time I leave, I hate my hair. But she's been doing my hair since I was a little girl, I can't just abandon her! Not to mention it's free. She does my mom, my dad, my sister, my brothers, all of us for free in exchange for free eye care for her family (my dad's an optometrist), but we all think she does a terrible job. My husband doesn't think it's worth it...he says it would be better to pay than hate my hair. Then there's the feeling of guilt... if anyone else touches my hair, Rita will know! What will she think? Will she be hurt?
Pretty ridiculous, I know...
Your hair looks nice.
Here is an instance where I agree you should submit to your husband. :)
So what. So you're not photogenic AND you're going to hell. I'd still tap it.
But seriously, I just don't understand people who make such a fuss about hair. I mean, it's just HAIR.
A. You so wouldn't. I lack nearly everything you need. Heh.
B. Well, a perfect flat top takes a lot of time. We all know that. :)
I'm laughing too. I quite like the haircut - but the expression on your face certainly makes you look more insane than I know you to be. And Hapa Boy likes you anyway. Go figure.
In my defense, it appears that my timing for my funny face was off; I assure you that most of my expressions were much better than that. Mother of Dog was selectively choosing.... :)
I cut my own hair and have been doing it for years. It is just a "bowl" cut (like somebody put a bowl on my head and cut around it), with no layers or anything. I feel around the back to make sure it is even, or get my husband to even it up. Takes forever, and leaves a mess to clean up, but anything is better than going to a salon, where the invariably get out the thinning shears (I know my hair is bushy, but it is MY hair, and I don't want it thinned -- but haircutters get insulted if you tell them how to do their job) and layer it (don't want that, either).
I feel bad, because one of my children is going to haircutting school.
Don't feel bad about indulging yourself and getting your hair cut at a salon, because people are out of work. If everybody quit going to salons, like me, then the haircutters will be out of work!
OMG we are SOOOOO alike!
Up until a few years ago, I cut my own hair. I kinda *look* like a girly girl, but I am so NOT! I never had a massage, pedicure, manicure, my nails are SHORT, and my hair has never once been colored or died....it would damage me greatly to walk into a salon named "Vain". Id think Id have abandoned my inner child by doing so!
I do have a fantasy on my 40th bday of getting cornrow braids all in the front of my head. I think it would be great for summer, and less 'needy' of my hair. I like to swim laps all summer, so it would work well in that regard too. But do i want to walk into a salon, and pay that much? Hmmm....
That man on the bottom pic *is* handsome......such pretty features! I love to photograph people....he has a pretty mouth, and smile. :)
ByTheWay, your educated-ness shines through in your posts. I am greatly challenged by you, and I like that!
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